ⓘ egomaniac autocannibalist
Im about to write about myself now.
It should concern people that I do not care about them, sincerely, no emotion is expressed when complaints or praise are voiced about me or at me. I live pretty independently
of what people think about me. This makes me a shitty friend to all those who aren’t close to me. Im sorry to all those who thought my friendliness meant we could be friends.
I dress in pastels, I don’t have muscles — frankly I’m extremely weak. My appearance speaks
before I get to. Both racial prejudice but also to those who may look past that — Im a sweet young girl, with a polite
face and pink make up. I smile, I laugh, but then get closer and an imminent unemotionality strikes harder than my attempts
to care. Im not going to be as soft as expected, I won’t care.. I don’t do it purposely. I do not know why some people get
emotion privileges and others don’t. Sometimes this even seems arbitrary because those who sacrificed for me, I end up caring nothing for.
Some hope it’s a phase, they hope I can love like they love me.
You can hope relationships as much as chess — not at all.
Im creative, I drown myself in a bubble full of all my art, all my writings, and all my melodies. It’s beautiful inside of me,it’s careless and so free from judgement, and it’s comfortable and peaceful because it’s silent, and quiet.
I contradict. How emotional and vulnerable I become with the select few. I think if I loved others too, it would cut from the cake of those I care about now. It would cut from their slices, and from mine. It’s good then, that my care is reserved for very few people.
